Gojira no Chimpira (infanttyrone) wrote,
Gojira no Chimpira

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%100 True

I’ve heard you’re not supposed to be early for dates, but I didn’t want to be late either, and what was I going to do, stand outside the bar? There was a silvery suv parked out front with it’s lights flashing. It’s alarm sounded like a nagging Russian wife: Yuri-Yuri-Yuri-Yuri-Yuri… I sat at the bar and ordered a beer.
“Would you like to see a menu?”
“No, maybe in a bit. I’m meeting someone—“
“A first date?”
“Kinda, yeah. Do I look nervous?”
“Yeah. You’ll be fine, relax.”
“Thanks, I hope so. I kinda have…I’ve got a condition that always comes up on these things.”
“What kind of condition?”
“Well when I get nervous, especially around attractive girls—it’s gross.”
“Are you going to fart a lot or something?”
“I wish! No. When I meet a pretty girl, well… Do you know what a naked mole rat is?”
“They kinda start popping out of my mouth. Naked mole rats. Especially if she’s got freckles. One by one, poom poom poom, out come the naked mole rats.”
“Yeah. It’s gotten so I just don’t go out anymore.”
“Wow, man, that’s really rough.”
“And it couldn’t be like, puppies or baby bunnies or anything. It couldn’t be something cute.”
“Yeah, those things are really gross-looking. But you know what? I bet there are some girls out there who are really into naked mole rats.”
“I guess it’s possible. I only seem to meet puppy or bunny girls.”
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